How do you tell her you love her?

So it's Thanksgiving and my family is all home together for a couple days. I'm letting someone stay at my place for the Kubu's and I'm actually crashing at my parents place. I'm the oldest of three siblings and my sister and I don't have the greatest relationship. There isn't really any specific event that precipitated things but my family has experienced a lot of emotional trauma and so there are some things mixed into it. This last year I have been intentionally trying to repair my relationship with my sister - I would go up to Portland, give her a call about once a week, and try to be extra thoughtful about how we interacted. I never did it out of duty but really because I love my sister a lot and really desire a better relationship with her. Since my move to Eugene, I haven't done a very good job of staying in touch with her - Portland's a lot further away and gas is so expensive, and I haven't taken the time to call her each week. There isn't really any excuse to be honest.

So today at breakfast it all came out and apparently it's been really hurtful to Hannah. The hard part is that I really do love her and I am really sorry for it. This job transition has been hard with long hours and high stress - I don't have a lot of relational energy left at the end of the day. But as Hannah so icily pointed out to me, that's not really a legitimate excuse. I agree with her - she is after all my sister.

I don't really know where I'm going with all of this. I just needed to write it down somewhere. I love my sister a lot and pay attention to the direction her life is taking - I really want her to discover the plans that God has for her. I know she doesn't really understand Jesus very well right now but I am holding on to hope that she will discover the healing and hope that Jesus brings into our lives. But it's more than that - it's the purpose. I see her gifts and know that she will do incredible things in this life. I love that she is studying nursing, that she is traveling to Tanzania, that she ran the Portland Marathon, and so many other things. I hope that she discovers that God loves the poor, the orphaned, and the widowed.

I guess that's all. I know I've not done the best I could. I wish I could figure out how to make it up to her.