I want my slice of pie in the sky as much as the next guy.
Lift me up above the mess of mortal life
with it's problems of depression, death,
and pointless arguments with my wife
that just seem to highlight my brokenness.
So please Jesus, reserve my room
because I think I want to come soon,
you see I'm tired of this shhhhhhhhhoot
me on a rocket to the moon
so that I can be closer to that place
where they say there is no sorrow in their face,
where parents do not sell their children for greenbacks
because the institutions that bend their backs until they don't know how to stand up straight
assume it must be fate
and forget the sacred vow of family
But who am I kidding?
My altruistic words are papier-mache
that burn in an instant when confronted with reality.
Examine my existence and you know
I'm much more concerned with my finality
than her rape-filled nights driven by my consumeristic causality
On Sunday I live an alternate duality
on bended knee in cushioned chairs
surrounded by polite hellos, bad coffee and other extemporaneous frivolity
the pastor's words that plea for me to believe
in I'm not sure what because "I could sing of your love forever"
sounds like a song more for afternoon tea
than the hopeless, massacred, abandoned plea
of that girl who was/is violated in a way that was never meant to be
So I don't believe in your heaven,
that allows you to escape from here, from now, from her
because my Jesus came into now and whispered
"THE KINGDOM OF GOD HAS COME NEAR!"
Promises of eternity extend an invitation
to love and lay down your life in your liberation
to sit with her who has never known love
and love him who has hurt without waiting for his admittance of violation.
Don't waste your life waiting for the pearly gate.
If you're looking for heaven come walk the narrow road
where we redefine who is great
climb down the ladder of success and power
into the alleys, the brothel, the slum
where Jesus weeps and waits for his Church
to leave it's ivory tower
and bring heaven on earth.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
The John Muir Trail
This August I set out to hike the John Muir Trail (212 miles, from Yosemite Valley to Mount Whitney), with three friends. Along the way I wrote down some of my thoughts and observations. There are pictures of the trip here, and for those who enjoy reading such things:
8/15
The beginning of the JMT! I can't believe we're actually here and doing this. We're getting up at 5am because we were warned that our entry trailhead (which has a brutal climb at the beginning) is hot by mid morning. Coming into Yosemite Valley for the first time was awesome - Half Dome towering in the background with the face of El Capitan staring us down. It's amazing to see this granite valley carved out the way it is. We're camped in the backpackers campground, sharing a space with a couple that until recently also lived in Eugene. As far as we can tell, there is one other group of through hikers, two women and a man, much older than us. Their comments were that we were traveling light which I'll take as a compliment but I'm still around 37lbs with a week's worth of food and 2 liters of water. I think my 15 degree bag is going to be way too warm, but I refused to buy any more new gear than I had too for this trip.
8/16
What an introduction to the trail - 14.3 miles with over 5,500 feet of elevation gain as best as we can tell. Most of the elevation was in the first 3 miles and the last 2.5 We made it, although Worms aggravated an earlier injury and it he may be jumping the trial tomorrow at Tuolomne. One frustrating thing for the day is that the sole of my Hi-Tec trail shoes already started to separate at the toe. I've got super glue so I can fix it but it's kind of frustrating. I had a pair of Hi-Tec boots that held up awesome for years of day hikes. Hopefully it doesn't get any worse. Definitely will be writing them when I get home.
The spot we're camped is indescribable. When we got our permits, the ranger told us about this side trail to a camp spot that looks out over Yosemite Valley. She said it was her favorite campsite in the park. I can understand why! Sunset was gorgeous and since we're about a 1/2 mile from the Sunrise lakes, we don't have to worry about people (and probably less bear action).
8/17
Climbed to Cathedral Pass today. After yesterday's climbing, it didn't feel like much of a climb - maybe 800-1000 feet of elevation gain. 17 miles, mostly flat or gentle grades. It was beautiful although the pass wasn't much of a pass. The trail down to Tuolomne was steep and lots of switchbacks in the trees. Every so often is opens up into these panoramics of the valley and surrounding mountains.
Early on we began talking about how good a cheeseburger at Tuolomne Meadows would taste, and by the time we got there we were ravenous. I couldn't resist getting some ice cream either (actually, I ate the ice cream first). Worms hitched a ride back to the Valley with a nice Asian family and he's going to pick us up at Whitney Portal, although he may also show up at the resupply. We're all super bummed to see him go. Possibly a muscle tear in his inner thigh. Sent a postcard to Krista and couldn't help crying when I wrote it. I miss her a ton. The funny thing is it was an ugly postcard but it had the most writing space on it.
We hiked the requisite 4 miles into Lyell Canyon before making camp. Saw a fellow Ultimate Frisbee player from OSU on the way in. I run into him in the most random places. His girlfriend is starting a through hike tomorrow from Tuolomne. We hiked along the Lyell River for the afternoon and couldn't resist an evening soak after setting up camp. It felt wonderful.
8/18
What a day! Only 12 miles but we did Donahue and Island pass at 11,050 and 10,000 feet respectively. Definitely sleeping at elevation tonight but our bodies are starting to adjust. After an easy stroll through the rest of Lyell canyon, it was a grueling climb to Donahue. Passed a couple work parties that are based in the valley. Every day they climb that thing with their picks, shovels, mallets, and who knows what else, and move around giant stones. Intense! Probably a good way to stay in shape all summer.
It felt like we climbed into the heart of the mountains and as we climbed above the tree line, I found myself lingering more and more to soak it all in. Sheer cliffs with lakes pooled at the bases. The air is so clean and clear and I could probably just drink straight from the streams that are mostly glacier run-off. I did manage to slip off a rock crossing one of those streams and soak one of my feet but thankfully I'm none the worse off. I could have easily broken an ankle. Lunch was at Donahue Pass where there is a little pond. A couple FAT marmots came out at the end to see if there was any cleaning up to do. I envy them living in such a beautiful place.
We're camped at Island pass among a series of small ponds. It's WINDY but we've got the windward side of the tarp lowered to the ground. It will be a good test of it's strength early in this trip. We're tired - it's 8pm and we're in our bags. It's the first day I've wondered if we can pull this off. We've done 43 miles in 3 days and my feet are tired. Thankfully tomorrow is a 9 miler, mostly downhill (half rest day built in). I think it's worth it to press on and lean into this experience. I'm hoping this is where the transition happens for me on the trail, to really being here and in the experience. It's fun to learn the depths of the human body, to realize that I have more strength than I sometimes think. Spent the morning thinking about John 15 and abiding in Jesus. I don't how that works out here but that is also something I will discover.
8/19
Well, an easy 9 turned into 14, most of it downhill and my quads hurt! We lost all that elevation we gained yesterday climbing the passes. We're camped in a mosquito infested hell hole and I'm really glad for that I brought the mosquito net for my head. We had our first fire tonight but mostly just to get ride of the mosquitoes. We're camped at Johnston Lake and tomorrow we'll swing by Red's Meadow Resort for some double cheeseburgers, and to call Worms and get some things (athletic tape, Advil) added to our resupply. Dims and Rainbow's feet are hurting them bad. Rainbow has blisters in blisters. Not good.
Walking in this magnificent place day after day, I don't want to say I become numb to it, but it just becomes almost normal to round a corner in the trail and see these beautiful landscapes. The view down onto Thousand Island Lakes was phenomenal. I took a panoramic of it but I'm sure it won't do it justice.
We passed a group of about 10 women on horseback heading the other direction (thankfully) and an hour later, their pack train of about 15 mules with HEAVY loads came by. I wouldn't have been surprised if there was an ironing board in there. Ridiculous. Let your feet touch the earth and connect with the world around you! Okay, that might be a little too hippie!
Found myself thinking today about what my facebook status would be when I got home, how I could make it sound impressive. Then I got this gentle nudge from the Holy Spirit asking me why I need this trip to validate myself to other people, to improve my standing. I'm doing this trip for myself, not for them. It was a good thought for the trail.
8/20
You know that old saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder? I don't know if that is really true as much as being apart reveals the true feelings that you have for someone, feelings that get buried or overlooked in the busyness of life. I take for granted too easily the time that I get to spend with Krista. We stopped at Red's Meadow Resort today and scored an awesome meal of french toast, eggs, hashbrowns, bacon, and sausage. The better part is that I had cell reception and got to talk to Krista. Of course I started crying like a baby but it was so good to talk to her. It definitely made my day and gave me a fresh boost. I worked so hard getting ready for this trip and now that I'm here, I'm discovering that my love for my wife and my desire to be with her is so much stronger and deeper than my desire to hike the JMT and summit Whitney. What do I do with that? Do I get off the trail in 3 days at Lake Edison and drive home? Or do I push on? I don't regret coming - I wouldn't have discovered this if I hadn't come out here.
Today was an easy 7-8 miles. We knocked off early to rest some sore feet, do laundry, and get a nap in. The extra 4 miles yesterday made today easy. We're camped about a mile south of Upper Crater Meadow. A lot of volcanic terrain today, similar to the lava fields in Oregon. Also a couple miles hiking through a burned area from the Rainbow fire a couple years ago. It must have been a hot fire because all the trees are dead and the tops have all fallen off about 30 feet up. If we would just let fires burn naturally, they wouldn't burn that hot since the underbrush doesn't get to build up over several years of fire prevention. That part of the forest will never be the same. With the tall bushes taking over, it will be hard for pine trees to regrow. I'm glad that the wildflowers are still blooming!
8/21
At Lake Virginia for lunch. How small is man compared to the works of God! We are so tiny in comparison to the mountains, trees and lakes. Yet His love for us knows no bounds. It reaches even here, at 10,000 feet in the depths of the High Sierras. This is an amazing place and it is here that God sustains me. It is here where the things I desire become clear. Tomorrow we hike to Lake Edison and leave the trail the next day to hopefully surprise my wife with an early return. It feels right to leave. Some of the older married folk will probably tell me that things will change when I get older, but right now, I don't care. It's more important for me to spend these last few weeks before school starts in the fall to be with my wife.
15 miles today through some of the most beautiful country yet on this trip or that I've ever seen: Lake Virginia perched at 10,000 feet (I would love to fish it), Tully's Hole with the river winding through this grassy meadow, and the pass between Purple Lake and Lake Virginia where it looks like God himself swept his hand along the cliff face, knocking down boulders the size of large houses. We're supposedly camped near some hot springs but we couldn't find them and the mosquitoes we're eating us alive so we retreated from our hunt. There's a possibility that it might storm on us tonight. We've had perfect weather so far. Tomorrow is the 10 mile push to Lake Edison, over Silver Pass (10,900). I'm glad we get to do one more pass before we leave the trail.
8/22
Last 16 miles to Vermilion Valley Resort, the last 5 dusty miles around Lake Edison. Silver Pass wasn't difficult but it was beautiful. I wish we would have camped up there. There were no less than 7 lakes nestled among the peaks and cliffs, with beautiful meadows speckled with wildflowers surrounding them. We met a couple today who were in their 70's. They had taken 9 days to hike what we did in 2 and they were loving it. When we told them we were cutting out trip short, the man asked why and I told him I missed my wife too much. He proceeded to point at his wife and say "Well, I brought her! And she's 71!" That was the first hint we had of their actual age. Maybe that will inspire Krista to get out and try. They were wearing matching rainsuits from head to toe (to block the wind - no rain on this trip!). They had camped up at one of the lakes in the pass and the husband commented that the brilliant sunset from the night before (it looked like the sky was on fire - brilliant red) had turned the lake red. He had never seen anything like it in his life. I hope I'm still appreciating new things when I'm 70.
It was a long downhill to the Lake over about 5-6 miles through high mountain meadows. They used to graze sheep up here in the late 19th century. It would be a lonely place to be but I could get used to waking up in this place every day. I'm sad to be leaving the trail early but excited to be home tomorrow to see my wife. We grabbed ice cream sandwiches and a snickers at the Resort while waiting for Worms and his grandparents to show up. When Dims and Rainbow walked into the store, the Resort manager commented on how dirty they were and told them he had a lake they could use. They must have really looked dirty because this is a popular place for through-hikers to stop. I went down and cleaned up as best I could although I knew a hot shower was coming in a couple hours.
With the extra 5 miles around the lake, we figure we did just under 100 miles in 7 days. Not too bad with the amount of elevation change we had. Definitely would like to hike the southern half of the JMT someday. Maybe I'll be 75 and doing it with my lovely wife...
A quick note on trail names:
Andy earned himself the name Worms early on based on the fact that he is perpetually hungry and we decided he has worms. I think it's going to stick even though he was only on the trail for 2 days.
Alex also earned himself an early name - Rainbow - based on his colorful attire from his orange shorts to his blue bandana, bright yellow sleeping bag on the outside of his green pack. It stuck -although I think we could've also called him "free-baller" based on this amount of time he spent wearing his shorts and not a whole lot else.
Me, well I got the name Strider on account of my long legs and the long steps I take, especially on downhill. It just felt more comfortable to stretch out my legs and cruise.
We were struggling to find a nickname for Ryan until Rainbow hit on something brilliant. Earlier we had coined the term "Dingler Miles" based on the extra miles Ryan (last name Dingler) had pushed for at the end of every day. Alex morphed Dingler Miles into Dims, which besides being his trail name, also came to represent anything extra Ryan pushed for (wanting to bag side peaks, attempting push-ups at the end of long grueling days, etc.).
8/15
The beginning of the JMT! I can't believe we're actually here and doing this. We're getting up at 5am because we were warned that our entry trailhead (which has a brutal climb at the beginning) is hot by mid morning. Coming into Yosemite Valley for the first time was awesome - Half Dome towering in the background with the face of El Capitan staring us down. It's amazing to see this granite valley carved out the way it is. We're camped in the backpackers campground, sharing a space with a couple that until recently also lived in Eugene. As far as we can tell, there is one other group of through hikers, two women and a man, much older than us. Their comments were that we were traveling light which I'll take as a compliment but I'm still around 37lbs with a week's worth of food and 2 liters of water. I think my 15 degree bag is going to be way too warm, but I refused to buy any more new gear than I had too for this trip.
8/16
The spot we're camped is indescribable. When we got our permits, the ranger told us about this side trail to a camp spot that looks out over Yosemite Valley. She said it was her favorite campsite in the park. I can understand why! Sunset was gorgeous and since we're about a 1/2 mile from the Sunrise lakes, we don't have to worry about people (and probably less bear action).
8/17
Climbed to Cathedral Pass today. After yesterday's climbing, it didn't feel like much of a climb - maybe 800-1000 feet of elevation gain. 17 miles, mostly flat or gentle grades. It was beautiful although the pass wasn't much of a pass. The trail down to Tuolomne was steep and lots of switchbacks in the trees. Every so often is opens up into these panoramics of the valley and surrounding mountains.
Early on we began talking about how good a cheeseburger at Tuolomne Meadows would taste, and by the time we got there we were ravenous. I couldn't resist getting some ice cream either (actually, I ate the ice cream first). Worms hitched a ride back to the Valley with a nice Asian family and he's going to pick us up at Whitney Portal, although he may also show up at the resupply. We're all super bummed to see him go. Possibly a muscle tear in his inner thigh. Sent a postcard to Krista and couldn't help crying when I wrote it. I miss her a ton. The funny thing is it was an ugly postcard but it had the most writing space on it.
We hiked the requisite 4 miles into Lyell Canyon before making camp. Saw a fellow Ultimate Frisbee player from OSU on the way in. I run into him in the most random places. His girlfriend is starting a through hike tomorrow from Tuolomne. We hiked along the Lyell River for the afternoon and couldn't resist an evening soak after setting up camp. It felt wonderful.
8/18
It felt like we climbed into the heart of the mountains and as we climbed above the tree line, I found myself lingering more and more to soak it all in. Sheer cliffs with lakes pooled at the bases. The air is so clean and clear and I could probably just drink straight from the streams that are mostly glacier run-off. I did manage to slip off a rock crossing one of those streams and soak one of my feet but thankfully I'm none the worse off. I could have easily broken an ankle. Lunch was at Donahue Pass where there is a little pond. A couple FAT marmots came out at the end to see if there was any cleaning up to do. I envy them living in such a beautiful place.
We're camped at Island pass among a series of small ponds. It's WINDY but we've got the windward side of the tarp lowered to the ground. It will be a good test of it's strength early in this trip. We're tired - it's 8pm and we're in our bags. It's the first day I've wondered if we can pull this off. We've done 43 miles in 3 days and my feet are tired. Thankfully tomorrow is a 9 miler, mostly downhill (half rest day built in). I think it's worth it to press on and lean into this experience. I'm hoping this is where the transition happens for me on the trail, to really being here and in the experience. It's fun to learn the depths of the human body, to realize that I have more strength than I sometimes think. Spent the morning thinking about John 15 and abiding in Jesus. I don't how that works out here but that is also something I will discover.
8/19
Well, an easy 9 turned into 14, most of it downhill and my quads hurt! We lost all that elevation we gained yesterday climbing the passes. We're camped in a mosquito infested hell hole and I'm really glad for that I brought the mosquito net for my head. We had our first fire tonight but mostly just to get ride of the mosquitoes. We're camped at Johnston Lake and tomorrow we'll swing by Red's Meadow Resort for some double cheeseburgers, and to call Worms and get some things (athletic tape, Advil) added to our resupply. Dims and Rainbow's feet are hurting them bad. Rainbow has blisters in blisters. Not good.
Walking in this magnificent place day after day, I don't want to say I become numb to it, but it just becomes almost normal to round a corner in the trail and see these beautiful landscapes. The view down onto Thousand Island Lakes was phenomenal. I took a panoramic of it but I'm sure it won't do it justice.
We passed a group of about 10 women on horseback heading the other direction (thankfully) and an hour later, their pack train of about 15 mules with HEAVY loads came by. I wouldn't have been surprised if there was an ironing board in there. Ridiculous. Let your feet touch the earth and connect with the world around you! Okay, that might be a little too hippie!
Found myself thinking today about what my facebook status would be when I got home, how I could make it sound impressive. Then I got this gentle nudge from the Holy Spirit asking me why I need this trip to validate myself to other people, to improve my standing. I'm doing this trip for myself, not for them. It was a good thought for the trail.
8/20
You know that old saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder? I don't know if that is really true as much as being apart reveals the true feelings that you have for someone, feelings that get buried or overlooked in the busyness of life. I take for granted too easily the time that I get to spend with Krista. We stopped at Red's Meadow Resort today and scored an awesome meal of french toast, eggs, hashbrowns, bacon, and sausage. The better part is that I had cell reception and got to talk to Krista. Of course I started crying like a baby but it was so good to talk to her. It definitely made my day and gave me a fresh boost. I worked so hard getting ready for this trip and now that I'm here, I'm discovering that my love for my wife and my desire to be with her is so much stronger and deeper than my desire to hike the JMT and summit Whitney. What do I do with that? Do I get off the trail in 3 days at Lake Edison and drive home? Or do I push on? I don't regret coming - I wouldn't have discovered this if I hadn't come out here.
Today was an easy 7-8 miles. We knocked off early to rest some sore feet, do laundry, and get a nap in. The extra 4 miles yesterday made today easy. We're camped about a mile south of Upper Crater Meadow. A lot of volcanic terrain today, similar to the lava fields in Oregon. Also a couple miles hiking through a burned area from the Rainbow fire a couple years ago. It must have been a hot fire because all the trees are dead and the tops have all fallen off about 30 feet up. If we would just let fires burn naturally, they wouldn't burn that hot since the underbrush doesn't get to build up over several years of fire prevention. That part of the forest will never be the same. With the tall bushes taking over, it will be hard for pine trees to regrow. I'm glad that the wildflowers are still blooming!
8/21
At Lake Virginia for lunch. How small is man compared to the works of God! We are so tiny in comparison to the mountains, trees and lakes. Yet His love for us knows no bounds. It reaches even here, at 10,000 feet in the depths of the High Sierras. This is an amazing place and it is here that God sustains me. It is here where the things I desire become clear. Tomorrow we hike to Lake Edison and leave the trail the next day to hopefully surprise my wife with an early return. It feels right to leave. Some of the older married folk will probably tell me that things will change when I get older, but right now, I don't care. It's more important for me to spend these last few weeks before school starts in the fall to be with my wife.
15 miles today through some of the most beautiful country yet on this trip or that I've ever seen: Lake Virginia perched at 10,000 feet (I would love to fish it), Tully's Hole with the river winding through this grassy meadow, and the pass between Purple Lake and Lake Virginia where it looks like God himself swept his hand along the cliff face, knocking down boulders the size of large houses. We're supposedly camped near some hot springs but we couldn't find them and the mosquitoes we're eating us alive so we retreated from our hunt. There's a possibility that it might storm on us tonight. We've had perfect weather so far. Tomorrow is the 10 mile push to Lake Edison, over Silver Pass (10,900). I'm glad we get to do one more pass before we leave the trail.
8/22
Last 16 miles to Vermilion Valley Resort, the last 5 dusty miles around Lake Edison. Silver Pass wasn't difficult but it was beautiful. I wish we would have camped up there. There were no less than 7 lakes nestled among the peaks and cliffs, with beautiful meadows speckled with wildflowers surrounding them. We met a couple today who were in their 70's. They had taken 9 days to hike what we did in 2 and they were loving it. When we told them we were cutting out trip short, the man asked why and I told him I missed my wife too much. He proceeded to point at his wife and say "Well, I brought her! And she's 71!" That was the first hint we had of their actual age. Maybe that will inspire Krista to get out and try. They were wearing matching rainsuits from head to toe (to block the wind - no rain on this trip!). They had camped up at one of the lakes in the pass and the husband commented that the brilliant sunset from the night before (it looked like the sky was on fire - brilliant red) had turned the lake red. He had never seen anything like it in his life. I hope I'm still appreciating new things when I'm 70.
It was a long downhill to the Lake over about 5-6 miles through high mountain meadows. They used to graze sheep up here in the late 19th century. It would be a lonely place to be but I could get used to waking up in this place every day. I'm sad to be leaving the trail early but excited to be home tomorrow to see my wife. We grabbed ice cream sandwiches and a snickers at the Resort while waiting for Worms and his grandparents to show up. When Dims and Rainbow walked into the store, the Resort manager commented on how dirty they were and told them he had a lake they could use. They must have really looked dirty because this is a popular place for through-hikers to stop. I went down and cleaned up as best I could although I knew a hot shower was coming in a couple hours.
With the extra 5 miles around the lake, we figure we did just under 100 miles in 7 days. Not too bad with the amount of elevation change we had. Definitely would like to hike the southern half of the JMT someday. Maybe I'll be 75 and doing it with my lovely wife...
A quick note on trail names:
Andy earned himself the name Worms early on based on the fact that he is perpetually hungry and we decided he has worms. I think it's going to stick even though he was only on the trail for 2 days.
Alex also earned himself an early name - Rainbow - based on his colorful attire from his orange shorts to his blue bandana, bright yellow sleeping bag on the outside of his green pack. It stuck -although I think we could've also called him "free-baller" based on this amount of time he spent wearing his shorts and not a whole lot else.
Me, well I got the name Strider on account of my long legs and the long steps I take, especially on downhill. It just felt more comfortable to stretch out my legs and cruise.
We were struggling to find a nickname for Ryan until Rainbow hit on something brilliant. Earlier we had coined the term "Dingler Miles" based on the extra miles Ryan (last name Dingler) had pushed for at the end of every day. Alex morphed Dingler Miles into Dims, which besides being his trail name, also came to represent anything extra Ryan pushed for (wanting to bag side peaks, attempting push-ups at the end of long grueling days, etc.).
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Vision for the fall
These are some words that came to mind one morning after our large group on campus where I preached about the vision that God has been giving us for the fall...
Do you see?
Among the brokenness of humanity
with our distorted and twisted reality
there is a need for supernatural divinity
I see you, you see me
but in our limited
vision
we only see a tree
halfway
I'm limping but at least I can walk
is not part of my theology
Do you see?
Not really.
But I want to see!
Not in part but fully,
like the sunrise of a new day
breaking
through eternal darkness
not just for me
but for we
because this was never meant to be
just me
So come redefine, rework, renew my reality
so that I can see
clearly
I will not give into
"Be all you can be"
without letting that be defined by the
man,
God,
King,
JC.
I will stand against the force of the river
carrying me
to the sea
to that place of blended, forgotten
"I accept without thinking and ignore the pain"
serenity
I am asking the world now,
Do you see?
Do you see?
Among the brokenness of humanity
with our distorted and twisted reality
there is a need for supernatural divinity
I see you, you see me
but in our limited
vision
we only see a tree
halfway
I'm limping but at least I can walk
is not part of my theology
Do you see?
Not really.
But I want to see!
Not in part but fully,
like the sunrise of a new day
breaking
through eternal darkness
not just for me
but for we
because this was never meant to be
just me
So come redefine, rework, renew my reality
so that I can see
clearly
I will not give into
"Be all you can be"
without letting that be defined by the
man,
God,
King,
JC.
I will stand against the force of the river
carrying me
to the sea
to that place of blended, forgotten
"I accept without thinking and ignore the pain"
serenity
I am asking the world now,
Do you see?
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Thoughts from the past...
I walk along paths
used so often that men no longer
differentiate between each
but call all of them together
life.
There are many other paths, choked
with rumors of death more thickly
than the weeds that have overgrown them,
diverging,
lining this one dusty road that we plod along.
Rumors of death
but this doesn't feel like life.
One of these days
I will take one of those paths
and be
gone.
used so often that men no longer
differentiate between each
but call all of them together
life.
There are many other paths, choked
with rumors of death more thickly
than the weeds that have overgrown them,
diverging,
lining this one dusty road that we plod along.
Rumors of death
but this doesn't feel like life.
One of these days
I will take one of those paths
and be
gone.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
I want to be a plunger
You know those questions that seems to explode out of the nothingness that surrounds us? That happened to me a little while ago. It's not a new question; just one that rose to my consciousness unbidden and gained enough attention to get a Post-It until I could write it here.
Why is it that we always have to hear from God before entering the hard places? Why don't we (I) plunge into them headfirst when they present themselves? Really I'm asking this question for myself. My issues/hold-backs/hesitations are enough by themselves without trying to figure out what everybody else is thinking.
So I can look at scripture and see that a life of faith is often characterized by going to places that are uncomfortable, difficult, risky, odd, etc. There's lots of good things to but I know (and don't appreciate people who preach otherwise) that a life of faith doesn't mean it's going to be easy cruising in my '67 open-top Mustang. Quite the opposite (c.f. Luke 14:25-35). Jesus doesn't try and hide it. So why do I (we) hesitate?
I want a quick simple solution, like the update my computer just did. I want a prescription for glasses that will let me see the real picture rather than the false reality that I walk in, the reality that says "stay in the boat. You can't walk on water."
I want to be the guy that kills a lion in a pit on a snowy day because that's where the lion is.
Maybe the only way to learn is to go. Take a deep breath, deny the brain chemicals that scream "RUN," hope your heart doesn't explode because it's beating so fast and go.
Why is it that we always have to hear from God before entering the hard places? Why don't we (I) plunge into them headfirst when they present themselves? Really I'm asking this question for myself. My issues/hold-backs/hesitations are enough by themselves without trying to figure out what everybody else is thinking.
So I can look at scripture and see that a life of faith is often characterized by going to places that are uncomfortable, difficult, risky, odd, etc. There's lots of good things to but I know (and don't appreciate people who preach otherwise) that a life of faith doesn't mean it's going to be easy cruising in my '67 open-top Mustang. Quite the opposite (c.f. Luke 14:25-35). Jesus doesn't try and hide it. So why do I (we) hesitate?
I want a quick simple solution, like the update my computer just did. I want a prescription for glasses that will let me see the real picture rather than the false reality that I walk in, the reality that says "stay in the boat. You can't walk on water."
I want to be the guy that kills a lion in a pit on a snowy day because that's where the lion is.
Maybe the only way to learn is to go. Take a deep breath, deny the brain chemicals that scream "RUN," hope your heart doesn't explode because it's beating so fast and go.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
I'm pissed at the devil
Do you ever have those days where you just want to punch the devil in the face? A good ol' fashioned fist fight is what I'm hankering for. None of this sneak behind your back, slowly sap your energy and faith guerrilla warfare crap. Today is one of those days for me. I just want him to come out of the darkness and then I want to see Jesus punch him in the nose...and then I might ask Jesus if I can throw in a few extra punches for good measure. I'm pissed at the devil and tired of trying to punch shadows.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Throwing scraps at God
So I'm reading this book Crazy Love by Francis Chan and the last chapter jacked me up a little bit. I'm wrestling with the reality that when I read God's Word, the Bible, my temptation in applying it to my life is not to apply it fully - it's to apply it in my life so that I'm staying just ahead of the people around me. The image Chan uses in the book is that the bones I'm throwing at God have more meat on them than the bones others are throwing, so I must be doing just fine. Except I'm still just throwing scraps at God!
And I think as someone working in campus ministry, this is a constant thing I wrestle with. I don't have someone over me challenging me to grow all the time, challenging the ways that I may water down my applications of the Bible to my life. Instead, it's really easy for me to do just enough to be ahead of my students and to be justified in their eyes. But how I stand in their eyes doesn't really matter! How I stand before God is what matters! And I'm throwing Him scraps. Not cool! We need to pray in our rich, confused culture that God would open our eyes every day to look at His Word in raw, honest ways and let it transform our lives! I don't want to deceive myself into thinking that I'm giving God my all and find out someday that I was throwing Him scraps. It's not about gaining His approval - it's what He deserves because of His ridiculous love for me.
And I think as someone working in campus ministry, this is a constant thing I wrestle with. I don't have someone over me challenging me to grow all the time, challenging the ways that I may water down my applications of the Bible to my life. Instead, it's really easy for me to do just enough to be ahead of my students and to be justified in their eyes. But how I stand in their eyes doesn't really matter! How I stand before God is what matters! And I'm throwing Him scraps. Not cool! We need to pray in our rich, confused culture that God would open our eyes every day to look at His Word in raw, honest ways and let it transform our lives! I don't want to deceive myself into thinking that I'm giving God my all and find out someday that I was throwing Him scraps. It's not about gaining His approval - it's what He deserves because of His ridiculous love for me.
"But when you present the blind for sacrifice, is it not evil?
And when you present the lame and sick, is it not evil?
Why not offer it to your governor? Would he be pleased
with you? Or would he receive you kindly? says the Lord.
- Malachi 1:8 -
And when you present the lame and sick, is it not evil?
Why not offer it to your governor? Would he be pleased
with you? Or would he receive you kindly? says the Lord.
- Malachi 1:8 -
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