Throwing scraps at God

So I'm reading this book Crazy Love by Francis Chan and the last chapter jacked me up a little bit. I'm wrestling with the reality that when I read God's Word, the Bible, my temptation in applying it to my life is not to apply it fully - it's to apply it in my life so that I'm staying just ahead of the people around me. The image Chan uses in the book is that the bones I'm throwing at God have more meat on them than the bones others are throwing, so I must be doing just fine. Except I'm still just throwing scraps at God!

And I think as someone working in campus ministry, this is a constant thing I wrestle with. I don't have someone over me challenging me to grow all the time, challenging the ways that I may water down my applications of the Bible to my life. Instead, it's really easy for me to do just enough to be ahead of my students and to be justified in their eyes. But how I stand in their eyes doesn't really matter! How I stand before God is what matters! And I'm throwing Him scraps. Not cool! We need to pray in our rich, confused culture that God would open our eyes every day to look at His Word in raw, honest ways and let it transform our lives! I don't want to deceive myself into thinking that I'm giving God my all and find out someday that I was throwing Him scraps. It's not about gaining His approval - it's what He deserves because of His ridiculous love for me.

"But when you present the blind for sacrifice, is it not evil?
And when you present the lame and sick, is it not evil?
Why not offer it to your governor? Would he be pleased
with you? Or would he receive you kindly? says the Lord.

- Malachi 1:8 -

This little light of mine...ain't so little

"To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift." - Steve Prefontaine

There is a fire burning in my heart to see people live the life they were created for. I'm stuck in the office at my house while a meeting takes place in my living room so this is the best place to shout it out. We are people who are created to bring hope to people's lives, to inspire them to dream, to live better lives because they see Jesus in us! I want to do that! I want to so transparently be a son of Jesus that people are inspired to change the world after a cup of coffee with me, not because I'm amazing but because God is amazing. Is that even possible - am I just too full of myself that I think that could happen?

I've been stuck on Matthew 5:14 for the last week: "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden." We are the light of the world?! Not "a" light, but "the" light! Without us this world is a dark place! We are intended to help people see where they're going, to be their beautiful sunrise that fills them with so much wonder that they can't help but declare that God is amazing! Living in Oregon, we know what light does - it brings us out of depression and despair. "Let your light shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your heavenly Father!" I want it to shine out of me, but even more I want it to shine out of my students! We are people who should be blazing with hope! Our cry to God should be that we would shine more brightly than anything people have ever encountered! We are created with a purpose! LET IT OUT! OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND LET THE LIGHT SHINE OUT OF YOU! EVERYTHING AROUND YOU TELLS YOU TO HIDE IT, TO KEEP IT TO YOURSELF! SCREW THAT! GIVE THE DEVIL THE FINGER AND DECLARE THAT GOD HAS DONE GOOD THINGS IN YOU! PUSH BACK THE DARKNESS WITH YOUR STORIES OF GOD'S LOVE!

Awaken

The sky is
falling,
falling,
falling,
into a deep abyss to
which there is no end.
I fall,
like a dreamless sleep,
never-ending
remembering the spring,
the wildflowers,
the fresh scent,
no more compared to the death and darkness that now surrounds me.
Where is the life?
Where is the light?
What is the point of this dreamless sleep?
Should I awake, where will I be,
once again in that field?
I think not
for the only picture painted
in my mind is that
of a gravestone.
Yet there is hope,
for a mother’s smile shines faintly
memories of Deep Love bring images of life flooding
back, and so the dreamless sleep becomes no more.
I am no longer
falling
but flying
on the wings of the dawn.
As a dove surveys the troubled world below
I fly with the peace given me,
And never more shall I sleep,
sleep that dreamless sleep
never more shall darkness reign o’er me.
Oh to share that dream
to share that others might cease
their endless toil of night,
that their life may be painted in Vivid Colors
the way it is meant to be.

I saw this on my Google quotes page this morning:

Faith is a cop-out. If the only way you can accept an assertion is by faith, then you are conceding that it can’t be taken on its own merits.
- Dan Barker

I want to write on it but I don't have time right now - so later it is!

Big Vision - Small Think

I love to dream and vision about the future. If you want to inspire me, give me an incredible vision and I'm yours. As I lead a campus ministry, vision is constantly something I'm communicating - in sermons, in one-on-one conversations, in bible studies. We're praying around the vision, we're talking about the vision, we're singing about the vision - we want students to know the vision - that we would be a movement of God renewing the campus where ordinary students are transformed into world changers.

Here's my problem - my vision is too big to communicate! Wait, but vision is supposed to be big, right? Yes! And I don't think we should change our vision; I believe it's from God. But I'm always trying to communicate all the pieces of the vision rather than focusing on certain components that are going to help us get there. So for the campus renewed, students need to be transformed. Which means that I need to spend more time helping my students deepen their spiritual relationship with God. But I'm always thinking about the mission and about outreach with a big O! I think that I need to break that down into smaller steps of growth and outreach (with a small o). Steps where students feel cared and can see their own growth as they engage in the mission. The picture that comes to mind is constantly trying to push something into a hole that is way too small - that should happen every once in a while to see if you're getting close and you should always have a picture of what you're working towards, but not in a violent destructive way.

Obviously, I'm still chewing on some of this stuff. It's not coming out very well. But I think there is some truth in it.