Afraid to sleep

I don't want to go to sleep tonight. I'm afraid that I will wake up and feel different, that my heart will have retreated into it's crusty cave leaving an empty space that doesn't care about the world or my friends. To begin talking about multiethnicity and reconciliation again was like stepping into a holy place where you are dumbstruck into silence by the presence of God. Kellie, Rosa, and Huston's sharing brought tears to my eyes. I wasn't expecting that but the reality of their experiences, especially Kellie and Rosa, breaks my heart. And at the same time there is incredible beauty in their sharing before this fellowship. It really was a touch of heaven, all mixed in with our messy humanity, the brokenness and sin sickness that makes us need Jesus so desperately. I will never have their experiences, I will never really be able to walk in their shoes, but I have to try my best so that I can love them as best as I possible can. I don't want to go to sleep tonight because I'm afraid that tomorrow I'll wake up and not care. I'm afraid that I won't feel completely overwhelmed by the situations in my life and our desperate need for Jesus, and that I won't be driven to my knees in my bathroom to pray desperate prayers for deliverance, peace, and love. I'm afraid of forgetting that I need Jesus tomorrow. Is that weird? I don't know. I feel like we encountered Jesus tonight through those testimonies and that going to sleep will rob that. Preserve me Jesus. Draw me deeper into you. Preserve us and the conversations that we began tonight. Let justice flow like water and righteousness like a never-ending stream.